the magic formula for happiness.

do you ever feel like me, and you finally get sick of all the worry and stress... and you just sit down and decide, not to give up, but to just enjoy life for a second?

there are far too many reasons not to love life.

today i decided that biochemistry was far too stressful, and that i needed to sit still and just STOP WORRYING for one afternoon. while surfing netflix, i found the "happy" movie.

what makes you happy? 

when it comes down to it, a lot of things make me happy.

(i'm quite easy to entertain, actually...)

1. cuddling on the couch makes me happy. 

2. a hot cup of tea with a good book.

3. buying something random. especially from the dollar store.

4. fuzzy things.

5. feeling healthy.

6. learning stuff.

7. getting tips at work.

8. having someone remember your name.

9. inventing something for dinner that actually turns out. 

10. compliments. especially from strangers.

11. starting something new. a cause.

12. fruit.

13. having a clean room. (is it just me, or does having your room organized just make it feel like the rest of your life will just fall into place?)

14. finishing something.

15. sunsets.

16. holidays.

17. pinterest. and even better than pinterest: having someone ask you if you found something cute on pinterest, and saying "heck no! this was 100% jess!!!

18. having my toes painted and

19. having time to wake up in the morning and feeling drop-dead gorgeous when i walk out the door.

20. spending time with my family.

what did i learn from the happy movie?

life changes so quickly. unless we are truly happy and content with the person we are right now, we will be chasing an idea for the rest of our lives. 

we can choose to be happy.

accepting yourself completely comes as a part of the healing process.

there is no such thing as pleasure without pain.

"what do you want in life? to be successful, to be happy, and to live a long, healthy life."

what is it to be successful? and at what cost?

there is a lot of talk about a "toxic lifestyle" - the way that we live, trying to be more successful, and earn more money, and be more... just more.

i think it's time that we slowed things down.

take some time to sit down and read a book without feeling like you are wasting time.

i don't like to get too deep on my innermost thoughts here... but i had a thought the other day. i had basically failed a biochemistry test, and was thinking that my life was pretty much over because i need that class to get into grad school. 

so i called my mom. (aren't they just great? especially when the world seems like it is coming to an end.)

and after i told her how my life was ending, and feeling dejected, inadequate, and completely stupid, she just said, "it's gonna be ok."

is it bizarre that my whole day changed after that little comment? 

so grad school might have to wait a little while, but does that really mean my life is over???

no.

so when you are feeling like the world is ending, just think to yourself: it is going to be ok.

until there is an alien invasion, or an asteroid hurtling directly towards earth, i think that i'm going to keep moving on, keep moving forward, and just be happy.

even then, who knows?

:)

***

on a different note, this is my newest obsession/phase.

for the next 30 days, i doing the whole30 challenge!

find out more here.

tired.

today was one of those emotionally draining days.
i don't like to complain. so i won't.
but at the end of today, i just wanted to crawl into my bed and escape all of the thinking that the day involved.
i think i should just go and live in the mountains. i'll eat berries and fish for my food. no more worrying about school, boys, selling swimsuits for a job... or any of that other silly stuff. just me and the birds. and possibly bears. (hmmmm this plan is starting to sound less and less appealing...)

*breathe*

tomorrow's gonna be ok.
it always is.

hmmmm.

a haiku (from a friend)

I’ve come to hate boys

You know what’s underrated?

Owning lots of cats

You Are Tired (I Think)
You are tired,
(I think)
Of the always puzzle of living and doing;
And so am I.
Come with me, then,
And we’ll leave it far and far away—
(Only you and I, understand!)
You have played,
(I think)
And broke the toys you were fondest of,
And are a little tired now;
Tired of things that break, and—
Just tired.
So am I.
But I come with a dream in my eyes tonight,
And knock with a rose at the hopeless gate of your heart—
Open to me!
For I will show you the places Nobody knows,
And, if you like,
The perfect places of Sleep.
Ah, come with me!
I’ll blow you that wonderful bubble, the moon,
That floats forever and a day;
I’ll sing you the jacinth song
Of the probable stars;
I will attempt the unstartled steppes of dream,
Until I find the Only Flower,
Which shall keep (I think) your little heart
While the moon comes out of the sea.

— E.E. Cummings

everything's gonna be ok.

looking into my magic oracle... i see the future:

day 17:
i am looking forward to...

GRADUATION!


sorry, i don't feel like posting much today... i woke up this morning with a sore throat and feeling like my eyes were trying to explode out of my head... i didn't even get out of bed until noon (after a very sweet younger brother brought pride and prejudice in to keep me company while i tried to go back to sleep). he's actually pretty sweet on occasion!
i never get sick. i'm usually the family member that laughs while everyone else is sick in bed. not today apparently. so, i'm going to go and sit on the couch, drink some (more) herbal tea, and beat this! because i don't like being sick while i'm at home. 


but today hasn't been all bad (i was about to go crazy, but my younger sister saved me by taking me to the store... we found some sweet red mugs at d.i... which will be a project that will take place sometime within the next few days. it's gonna be sweet!) 


feel better!
yes, thanks. i will!

falling for the first time

my first love.

{day 3}

you know this one's gotta be good huh?

so i thought that i could try and be witty... and pawn off the whole concept of "love" to a book, or a movie, or some other inanimate object like that. but, i decided i would actually do the unexpected. i'm gonna tell you the truth.

looking back, i realize how silly i was.

you are never really ready for love.

i've always been afraid of falling in love - of having my goals and plans "disrupted" by a guy. i thought that it was a distraction from what i was supposed to be doing (mainly going to school).  

this whole mentality probably stemmed from the simple fact that my dating life in high school was nil. 

zilch-o. 

nada.

zip.

i can't imagine whyyyyy.

who wouldn't love that?

i did wear a ponytail and sweatshirt every single day.

it doesn't exactly scream "take me out"... or maybe it's just me.

anyway.

enough about the high school years...

(i believe that very few of us actually pass through puberty totally unscathed!)

college.

one-track mind to graduation.

boys are not part of the equation.

that was pretty much me in a nutshell.

there were a few guys... don't get me wrong.

but nothing that could distract me from my ultimate goal.

(i feel like there needs to be some theme music to go with that last statement...)

it wasn't until the summer '10 that i finally gave up.

it seems to be the mentality of byu-idaho students that if you are a girl and are not married by the time you are 21, you should either go on a mission or you are doomed to be a menace to society for the rest of your life.

i wasn't 21 yet. but i was getting pretty dang close.

so i just gave up hope of anything happening that summer.

(i usually go home and rarely meet a whole lot of new people...)

the thing i find funny is how life often treats you with the most unexpected curves.

how would i know that i would meet someone at a wedding?

and that, even though it only lasted over the course of the summer, that i would get my first taste of love?

it was brief, to be sure.

but that doesn't make anything less real.

you live. you love. 

and unfortunately there are times when you will get hurt.

but looking back, i wouldn't change that summer for anything.

not even german-chökolätekäke^® at coldstone. (no matter how tempting that sounds right now.)

i don't pretend to be completely heartbroken. i can barely hope to claim any semblance of hurt. but i know what it is like to hope for something, and to watch it disappear before it even begins. 

love is a funny thing.

it is one of the only things that you really must have two people that are willing to cooperate with each other.

you can live with a roommate for a semester. tolerate them.

but loving someone is allowing them to see your best and your worst... i don't know if i want anyone to see that side of me.

love really is a funny thing. 

well that's enough about love.

i love this.

;)

just keep swimming.

i am not the type of person that goes broadcasting when i have bad days. usually, only those people really close to me are "privileged" enough to see that side of me. everyone else just sees the happy, smiling, bubbly person.
(today was a not-so-fantastic day)
just one of those days that you muddle through. 
one of those days when nothing feels good.
one of those days when you feel stuck. and unproductive...
one of those days that your bed is the only place in the whole wide world that you want to go, and yet it is the last place that you can be. because you are running in about a gajillion other directions. (yup. that was me today.)


so, in honor of those no-so-stellar days: 
http://youtu.be/gH476CxJxfg

i have a new obsession.
now i just have to figure out how to make them. (and possibly learn how to knit in the process...)


i am super ready for fall baking!!!
i love the smells, the tastes, the colors... pretty much everything except for the wind. (i can actually handle the cold. even in a wasteland such as rexburg. it's just the cold. i swear it seeps into your very soul...)
here is a perfect (and potentially healthy) snack to get you into the fall mood:

{yum.}

{Pumpkin Pie Dip} (from skinnytaste.com via pinterest)

• 15 oz can pumpkin
• 3/4 cup brown sugar (Splenda would work too)
• 1 tsp vanilla
• 1/8 tsp cinnamon
• 1/8 tsp pumpkin pie spice (or more to taste)
• 6 oz fat free Greek yogurt
• 8 oz cool whip free
• cut up apples to dip (extra points)

Mix pumpkin with brown sugar, vanilla and spices, blend well. Mix in yogurt. Fold in cool whip and chill in refrigerator until ready to eat.
Makes about 6 cups.

tomorrow's gonna be a good one.
i can just feel it. :)

***
May you live all the days of your life.
Jonathan Swift