Thursday, November 10, 2011

falling for the first time

my first love.

{day 3}

you know this one's gotta be good huh?

so i thought that i could try and be witty... and pawn off the whole concept of "love" to a book, or a movie, or some other inanimate object like that. but, i decided i would actually do the unexpected. i'm gonna tell you the truth.

looking back, i realize how silly i was.
you are never really ready for love.
i've always been afraid of falling in love - of having my goals and plans "disrupted" by a guy. i thought that it was a distraction from what i was supposed to be doing (mainly going to school).  
this whole mentality probably stemmed from the simple fact that my dating life in high school was nil. 
i can't imagine whyyyyy.

who wouldn't love that?
i did wear a ponytail and sweatshirt every single day.
it doesn't exactly scream "take me out"... or maybe it's just me.

enough about the high school years...
(i believe that very few of us actually pass through puberty totally unscathed!)
one-track mind to graduation.
boys are not part of the equation.
that was pretty much me in a nutshell.

there were a few guys... don't get me wrong.
but nothing that could distract me from my ultimate goal.
(i feel like there needs to be some theme music to go with that last statement...)
it wasn't until the summer '10 that i finally gave up.
it seems to be the mentality of byu-idaho students that if you are a girl and are not married by the time you are 21, you should either go on a mission or you are doomed to be a menace to society for the rest of your life.
i wasn't 21 yet. but i was getting pretty dang close.
so i just gave up hope of anything happening that summer.
(i usually go home and rarely meet a whole lot of new people...)
the thing i find funny is how life often treats you with the most unexpected curves.
how would i know that i would meet someone at a wedding?
and that, even though it only lasted over the course of the summer, that i would get my first taste of love?
it was brief, to be sure.
but that doesn't make anything less real.

you live. you love. 
and unfortunately there are times when you will get hurt.
but looking back, i wouldn't change that summer for anything.
not even german-chökolätekäke® at coldstone. (no matter how tempting that sounds right now.)
i don't pretend to be completely heartbroken. i can barely hope to claim any semblance of hurt. but i know what it is like to hope for something, and to watch it disappear before it even begins. 
love is a funny thing.
it is one of the only things that you really must have two people that are willing to cooperate with each other.
you can live with a roommate for a semester. tolerate them.
but loving someone is allowing them to see your best and your worst... i don't know if i want anyone to see that side of me.
love really is a funny thing. 

well that's enough about love.

i love this.

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